4 Simple Actions for Real-Time Confidence
You’ve probably heard that people fear public speaking more than death. Whether statistically true or not, the point stands— public speaking terrifies most of us. I remember being in late elementary/early junior high giving a short devotional talk at summer camp. A few dominoes fell, beginning with my negligence to pack a belt, and before you know it one of my earliest memories of public speaking ended with my pants falling in front of 100+ people… not exactly the most confidence-inspiring events of my developing years!
Fast forward to now, where I present in front of people over 100 times a year with some sense of confidence. In this post I want to share four things that will help you show up with more confidence in the areas that mean the most. It might be public speaking, it might be behind the scenes tasks, or anything in between, but there are actions and mindsets that will stir up confidence no matter how daunting the task.
Make Sure to Pack Your Belt
As I shared above, the seed of one of the least confident events of my life was planted while packing days before. Confidence comes from preparation; lack of confidence comes from being caught off guard. The first step to showing up confidently is making sure you have every tool necessary to face the task at hand. What does it look like for you to make sure your “belt” is packed? A couple of key questions to ask:
What do I need to do this job with excellence?
If _____ goes wrong, what’s my backup plan?
Who do I need to connect with for help?
If this task goes wrong, what is the most likely cause? (Then address it ahead of time)
Confidence grows when you’ve already answered those questions before the pressure hits. You most likely will not be able to account for everything… but you can definitely prepare for a lot!
2. Practice 20 Times
Recently I was tasked with giving a 30 minute presentation written by someone else. It was central to a consequential, days-long event, had a ton of detail that had to be given in a certain order and clarity, and included information, interactive teaching, and personal story. The kicker was: no notes. Historically memorization hadn’t been my strong suit, so I literally googled “how to memorize large pieces of material.” The best answer I found was simple: “read it out loud 20 times.” While there was a part of me that thought this was overly simple, I gave it a shot… and it worked!
What’s the situation you want to have confidence in? What is the task you want to do? Practice it 20 times… literally keep a tally mark and I’d be willing to bet you’ll feel prepared before you hit the 20.
Want to ask a girl out? Practice 20 times.
Giving a presentation? Do it 20 times.
Performing a physical task? Find a way to practice it or the elements 20 times.
Is there specific magic to the number twenty? Probably not. What it does do is get the process familiar while boosting confidence with each tally mark. When it comes time to step out, you can honestly say “I got this!”
3. Lower the Stakes With a Question
“What if?” Is one of the most powerful questions you can ask… power to build and power to destroy. When confidence is low and especially when coupled with nerves that are high, “what if?” can spiral quickly. But what if you actually answered the question? I’d be willing to bet a lot of situations and roles that zap our confidence are inflated to be more daunting than they actually are! If you find this to be true, it’s time to lower the stakes by answering the question.
What if I bomb the presentation?
What if she says no when I ask her out?
What if I say/do/think the wrong thing?
When we actually take a shot at answering these questions objectively, the answers are rarely as consequential as our nerves had us believe! When the pressure is lowered, you’ll have more space for confidence. You can make the presentation knowing it won’t bankrupt the company… you can ask the girl out knowing if she says no you will live to ask another… you can say, do, and think whatever the moment calls for knowing that the stakes aren’t nearly as high as you previously believed. When the stakes are lowered, “what if?” flips to be a lot more fun a question!
4. Borrow Confidence
This plays out in two different ways: Number one, who is someone who has the kind of confidence you want to carry into the task? This can be a personal contact, another person in your field or even a fictional character. Whatever the task, you can borrow confidence from those individuals by simply doing it how you believe they would. Call it acting, call it fake it till you make it… but all I know is there are plenty of things that seem daunting to me that Aragorn Son of Arathorn would have no problem stepping into, so when my confidence is low I get to borrow some from the rightful king of Gondor.
The second way this can happen is taking an inventory of your cheerleaders. I don’t know where I first heard it, but a driving quote I hold is “be the person your grandma thinks you are.” Who are the people in your corner? Who are the ones who believe in you? Who are the grandmas (literal and figurative) who think highly enough of you that you can borrow the confidence they have in you? Connect with these people, get their feedback, and take the risk to actually believe what they see in you! Sometimes all it takes to be confident ourselves is to borrow confidence from another.
The next time you face a new challenge, big opportunity, or even a forgotten belt, you can pack, practice, question and borrow your way to confidence that shows up well when it counts!
Do you want help growing in confidence? Do you need someone in your corner cheering you on and showing the way? Through coaching you can gain the clarity, tools, and support to live a more confident and impactful life. Click here to explore coaching with me!
